Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I'm not ashamed to admit that I started reading this book because of an ad that popped up in my fb feed calling it a horror masterpiece. News flash: It's neither a story existing in the horror genre, nor a masterpiece. Unfortunately, I continued reading this book and then it's sequel and the first half of the third book because of my overwhelming desire to hate-read books. Sometimes an author's writing is so terrible that instead of putting down the book, I am compelled to continue reading it because I'm a masochist. This book and its sequels are truly that awful. This plot is so overdone that I can find absolutely no redeeming qualities. It's lazy and predictable, an amalgamation of Twilight, The Hunger Games, and (an incredibly unsophisticated version of) The Game of Thrones series. Worse still, the heroine of this story is weak, co-dependent, and lacks any sort of character development at all. In fact, there really isn't any character development for any of the characters. They are all flat charactures of their more famous literary counterparts (Edward and Bella, Katniss, and the Lannisters). Now, the plot and characters are bad, but they are only bad enough that I would simply put the book down mid-read and forget about it. So, what has spawned my desire to hate-read this book and its sequels? First, it's free with my kindle unlimited 7 day trial, so why not? But truthfully, the thing that has me coming back for more is the truly inspired writing. Now, when I say inspired, I must confide that I don't mean that as a complement, but rather as the nicest way I know how to deliver a terrible review. This author recycles words and phrases and ideas with such vigor and frequency that I've developed a drinking game where I take a drink every time I run across the following: 1. Awkward descriptions of sex and/or kissing (I mean, who wrote this? A middle-aged virgin? I mean she gives a weirdly thorough description of the "maidenhead"/hymen breaking during sex for the first time.) 2. The word "writhing" 3. Bodies being described as "virile," "lithe," "curvy," or "chiseled" 4. Mentions of hands caressing thighs, hips, jawlines, or necks 5. Any form of the phrase, "Snaked his hand around my waist..." 6. An underaged character drinks champagne 7. A picnic that consists of champagne, strawberries, and melted chocolate (Seriously, what teenager is taking these items on a picnic? And why does it happen more than once? Granted this doesn't happen in the first book, but it happens in the second and third books.) 8. The phrase, "eyes moistened with tears," or really, any time eyes are mentioned at all 9. The use of the same word at least two times in a single sentence (Does she not have an editor to help her with sentence variation? Or at the very least, doesn't she have access to a thesaurus?) 10. Trite physical descriptions of a character 11. More than a single paragraph is spent on revisiting previous plot points (What ever happened to trusting your reader to actively engage in your story? She literally spends pages in the third book rehashing something that happened in the first book and I can't figure out why that's necessary.) 12. A vampire remarks on the insignificance of human life 13. There is a description of a male vampire not being able to control his sexual urges 14. There is a description of a female (vampire or human) as sexy, a minx, a vixen, a tease, a slut, a whore, a prostitute, or a wench 15. The female protagonist forgives or defends the seemingly irredeemable male protagonist/anti-hero 16. A male character asserts that the female protagonist belongs to him (Four different male characters claim ownership over the female protagonist on multiple occasions, and it leaves me breathless in the worst way. Way to promote the idea that women are nothing more than sexualized objects, Bella Forrest!) 17. There are vague, contradicting, excessively wordy, or completely unnecessary sentences 18. I have to stop and wonder if the female protagonist is suffering from Stockholm syndrome 19. The main characters' parents are being s***ty human beings 20. Rape is implied or explicitly mentioned Unfortunately, if you play this game, you will succumb to alcohol poisoning and die. The writing really is that bad. I mean, the author actually wrote, "self-introspection," at one point. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's incredibly redundant since introspection means looking inwardly and reflecting on the self. On several occasions I laughed out loud at how terrible the writing is in this book and its sequels, and that, ultimately, is what keeps me hate-reading this drivel. If you don't mind that this book has never seen its way into the hands of a competent editor, that it lacks a respectable plot and multidimensional characters, and that it's a cheap rip off of other people's work, then by all means, read this book. If you want something with substance, something that has been edited for brevity, or something that will appeal to your emotions, stay away from this book. Finally, if you hate-read books, just know that you've been warned, but maybe, just maybe, it's worth a hate-read and some alcohol poisoning.