Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

It is false alarm season. Every year in late fall or early winter we ring in the season with Kidde i4618 alarms. When the weather turns and the nighttime temperatures in the house sink, we rise in the night to blaring alarms and celebrate the canonical hours which usually go something like this. Vigils. 1:30am - Alarm sounds.. We all shoot bolt upright and I begin running chaotically around the house. After trying to activate Hush mode on each unit, I finally succeed by dragging the step ladder from the garage into our bedroom where the festivities had begun five minutes earlier. I then move through the house replacing batteries on all seven units. I get out the ear plugs I keep in the nightstand and put them in easy reach. I leave the step ladder pre-positioned under our bedroom i4618. Lights out but the vigil has truly begun. Matins/Lauds 4:45am - Alarm sounds. My vigil has been rewarded. Sleepy stirrings from others. I move through the house with step ladder and vacuum all seven units. I start the coffee. Prime. 6 am. Comb the web for manuals and advice in Amazon's single-starred reviews (and this year write my own). The rest of the day usually runs something like this: Terce. 9 am. For good measure I order a couple more i4618's "just in case". Sext. 12pm. I go back into the basement to contemplate the one unit that will not stop chirping after battery replacement. None. 3pm. I stand under each unit looking up and hoping for illumination--the red blink. Vespers. 6pm. All is calm. I meditate on an appropriate name for this addition to our liturgical calendar. Compline. I become fidgety with anticipation. Soon Vigil begins again. And the reason for the holiday? Batteries? Insects? The electrical grid? Alarm placement? (All Kidde suggestions by the way.) Temperature? AI? Demonic possession? I fear we shall never know. Best to just enjoy. (BTW. Apologies to P.B. Shelley)