Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I stumbled across this product on a whim, as we use gummies in our home to bribe our toddler to "be good" and "fetch us beer and queso from the refrigerator". As I was reading the reviews, and laughing uncontrollably, I sent the link to my husband and encouraged him to read them as well. Well, my husband is borderline mentally "disabled" (is that PC?) and thought it would be a good idea to buy them. Twenty-five dollars and 2 days later (thanks to super-fast Amazon Prime shipping!!) we received our prize. When my sweet impressionable son saw the package, he immediately exclaimed, "Present?!?! For meeee?!?!?" And what mediocre parent could deny their child the delight of ripping into a box full of goodies? As we watched him open the package, our eyes shimmering with anticipation of what we knew he would be so excited to find, he grabbed the massive package of candy, held them tight to his chest and screamed "Gummies!!!" We knew, right then, that we had succeeded as parents. We had crossed the finish line, climbed the mountain. We were no longer mediocre parents, but EXTRORDINARY parents. What happened in the following 24 hours brought us back down to size. After eating approximately 30 gummy bears, he fell into a deep, sugar-free-gummy-induced sleep. The next morning, the nightmare began. I awoke to the aroma of something sickeningly sweet, yet rancid, permeating the entire house. I assumed one of our cats threw up somewhere, or maybe someone (my husband perhaps?) left a squirt of poo under the toilet seat. I figured I would figure out the culprit later, after my healthy breakfast of Count Chocula and Bud Light Lime. This next part plays in slow motion in my mind... I heard the whimpers of my son, the fruit of my loins, my reason for living, and knew he had awoken from his slumber. I went into his room to fetch him. And that's when the smell hit me. A sweet, putrid smell that I cannot accurately describe entered my nostrils. I gagged, felt the bud light and cereal re-enter my throat, and using all of my willpower, swallowed it back down for digestion a second time. Then my eyes focused on my son. Still laying in bed. His bed. It looked like a crime scene. A crime scene where the blood is brown...and stinky. His Thomas the Train bed was sprayed with the brown poo-water. His sheets, his pillow, his Winnie The Pooh (ironic?) stuffed animal. His Gymboree pajama bottoms (19.99 retail), originally white with images of puppies, were now a light brown, with specs of translucent gummy-esque bits. The poo-juice had covered my sweet son's hair, streaked across his face. The folds of his chubby little legs. As my mind raced to adjust to the madness I was witnessing, everything suddenly slowed down as I came to a realization. I focused on the culprit. "Haribo Gummy candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag." The boy was rushed to the shower, where he was hosed down and lathered in Old Spice body wash (the tear-free baby wash could not be trusted to a job of this magnitude). The bed sheets were stripped. All fabrics, including pillows and Pooh (both instances) were thrown into our front-loading, high-capacity washing machine. Thomas (the Train) was wiped down liberally with anti-bacterial cleansing wipes. I still, 5 days later, cannot get the smell out of his room. I don't know if perhaps a rogue spray of poo lodged itself into an inaccessible corner of the room. Or perhaps one of his toys or stuffed animals is hiding a drop of the potent poo-venom. I may never know. My advice? Stay away from these gummy bears. DO NOT give them to your child, or anyone you love. The reviews are REAL. Seriously.