Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

If you want proof that adult life isn’t all that different from high school, look no further than the Kim Kardashian phenomenon. Just like all the popular kids in high were popular for, well, being popular, Kardashian and her family are famous by virtue of being famous. Like it or not, they are very marketable to those who are either aghast at their excesses or live vicariously through their Instagram pics and “reality” show antics. The Kardashian brand is a license to print money at this point and now Glu Mobile wants in on the Kardashian Kraze by releasing the mobile game Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. Make no mistake about it, but for the Kardashian name, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood would be just another title in a vast wasteland of mobile games and would be lost even among Glu’s past releases. But with Kardashian’s name attached, it has garnered headlines that quote Glu’s lofty claims that the title will garner $200 million in one year. The concept behind the game is simple and has no doubt been tackled by dozens of games since BREW was the primary mobile dev platform: to get famous. But in this game, you’re mentored by Kim Kardashian herself (call her “koach”) who has kindly taken time out from her busy schedule of taking selfies, jetting to press junkets and exotic destinations and generally living it up, to take you on as the next big thing. You can play as either a male or female wannabe celebrity. Things start out by having you customize (Or “Kustomize” as the game calls it) your character, but options are limited. So if you’re trying to create a reasonable facsimile of Rebel Wilson or Lena Dunham, you are sadly out of luck. You can name your character later though (you can even use the name Kanye!) although I don’t think Kim ever says your name. Not that she’d want to remember it anyway. As the game’s story goes, you’re a new hire at an L.A. boutique. Your boss has you adjust a shirt on a mannequin then fold a small stack of shirts before closing up for the day (although it looks like 4 in the afternoon). So you literally do two things and are immediately trusted with access to the cash register and the keys to the place. Nice work if you can get it. Also, you just happen to live in a fabulous apartment right next to the shop. Nice digs if you can get it. After closing up, by chance you see Kim Kardashian on the street (insert off-color joke here) and wouldn’t you know, she’s in dire need of a dress and was going to the very shop that you just closed. After a brief talk (unfortunately, there is no option to tell Kim to bugger off), you reopen the shop. She then asks you to decide between a silver and red dress (it would’ve been hilarious if she chooses the one you didn’t select), which you then proceed to give to her for FREE. You see, Kim gets whatever she wants and sometimes, she doesn’t even have to pay for it. Great. So now you’ve reopened the store against your boss’s orders and stolen a dress from this place where you just got hired. I don’t think you’re going to make employee of the month anytime soon. But this gesture of kindness to someone who could easily afford to buy the whole store has Kim forever in your gratitude and she helps you in your quest to be relentlessly stalked by TMZ. So before you know it, you’re doing photoshoots and you have agents and you’re dealing with all manner of showbiz weirdos and presumably doing all the other things that come with burgeoning fame. You can even find love and just so Glu doesn’t get into a Nintendo style controversy, you can engage in same sex relationships. Basically the game is a set of tasks that earn you money and have you level up on the Fame-O-Meter. Doing ad campaigns, palling around with the glitterati, all that jazz. But as is fitting for Hollywood as well as the freemium game world, this stuff costs. It costs in-game money to take the bus around (I guess that while Kim will let you into her fabulous house, she doesn’t quite trust you with the Jag). Tasks can be done with a few taps of onscreen hotspots (you can also choose to wait things out it seems, at least an hour in real time) but these taps cost action points (symbolized by lightning bolts) and sometimes currency. Action points regenerate over time, or you can purchase some using tokens with Kim’s “K” logo on them. New hairstyles and apparel cost K tokens or cash (Kash?). You can earn a few K tokens and a little money by completing objectives or by tapping random objects in the environment like fire hydrants and birds (!), or you can spend real money to get them. Tokens and money each come in packs, the most expensive of which is $99.99. I feel alternately sorry for someone who would spend 100 bucks towards the goal of achieving virtual fame as well as horror at the idea that anyone would actually do such a thing. And of course, there’s the usual social media features that earn you minor in-game boosts in return for dragging your friends into the whole sorry affair. I didn’t get too far in the game (and I doubt I would get very far with my steadfast refusal to put more money in both Glu and Kim’s koffers - err… coffers), but I assume it’s much the same list of mundane tasks over and over again. Personally, I don’t see the appeal. Yet I actually hope this is only the beginning of a Kardashian video game empire. I mean, can you imagine the possibilities? Maybe some kind of manic shooter where you control Kimye’s spaceship as you blast away “haters”? How about a fighting game? Kim Kardashian’s Killer Klose Kuarters Kombat anyone? As it is though, Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is not a good game, but it is probably the most fitting Kardashian game imaginable. This is a virtual world where everything you do has a price attached to it. It’s all about getting the next cool haircut or dress, splurging on your next swanky crib, endlessly promoting yourself, hooking up with other “cool” people at “cool” places so you become cooler by extension, all in pursuit of the nebulous, fleeting demon known as fame. This, my friends, is no mere game, it is a hauntingly realistic simulation of American pop culture.