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Star Wars: A No Hope
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- CORRIDOR
The angry Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted DVDs of 2004 versions of Star Wars.
IMPERIAL OFFICER: The new version is only a poor copy of the laserdisk, and it's only provided as a special feature.
Vader squeezes the neck of George Lucas, who struggles in vain.
VADER: Where is the original film? What have you done with the 1977 theatrical release?
Vader lifts General Lucas off his feet by his throat.
VADER: What have you done with the anamorphic widescreen?
LUCAS: The original negative is in too bad a shape to make a better copy.
VADER: If the original is in such bad condition, how did you make the 2004 edit version?
The Dark Lord begins to squeeze the producer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until Lucas goes limp.
VADER: Commander, tear LucasFilm apart until we have a true version, and make sure it has the original 5.1 SOUND!!
September 2006 · Movies and TV