Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

Let me preface this by saying I've tried every self tanner that's ever been created. I know to exfoliate and hydrate and all the things. But I will never learn. God made me pale and pale I should be. There is no "gradual tan" lotion that is ever gradual on me. I always look like I rolled around in flaming hot Cheetos. Dang my Mom for those words I heard her say when I was young (("FAT LOOKS BETTER WHEN IT'S TAN"...I LOVE MY MOM DON'T COME FOR HER)). I ordered this one because the reviews seemed mostly positive, especially the comments that it smells better than most self tanners. That is partly true. Most self tanners smell like soy sauce. This one smelled like if you took a chunk of coconut and dipped it in soy sauce. The moment I squirted that disgusting looking foam onto my skin, it soaked in like my skin had not had any type of hydration in years. It soaked in so quickly, that I barely had time to rub it in. It was streaky and sticky and it wasn't spreading and I wasn't sure if I should add water or get directly in the shower. Unfortunately, I kept going. What followed was a frantic race to spray and rub, spray and rub, spray and rub. In the scramble, the tanner got in the glove and I now have one black hand. My body looks like a UPS uniform with a few white stripes and a black glove. Please save your money. You're beautiful. Pale people unite!