Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

My husband had only been gone for a handful of days when I ordered this book. I read all the reviews here and thought that the "religious" aspect would somehow be acceptable, perhaps very helpful. I was stopped dead in my tracks when I read the following: "At its very nature death is demonic, and you cannot explain the demonic. Death happens. It is not really God's fault, nor yours, nor that of your spouse. Death is the devil's calling card." Are you kidding me? I lost my husband! He died! In the context of searching for spiritual understanding, the idea that the devil is responsible for my beloved husband's death is absurd. Even if the practical, therapy half of this book might be helpful...it is made null and void in my mind by allowing such utterly nonsensical and antiquated thinking to prevail. I quote further: "Lazarus will come storming from the tomb. Death can't hold him back with the power of Christ on his side. Jesus is weeping because sin has broken this world, and death is a symbol of that brokenness. Even though he has the power to fix it, Jesus grieves." Am I to believe that my husband's death is punishment for "original sin"? The message here is that we, "man", are the cause of the curse of death, through sin we have brought death upon ourselves and only at the second coming of the Messiah will we be "resurrected". If these ideas bring comfort to those who grieve the loss of a spouse, then this is a good book to read. I write this only as a warning to those who might have different "religious", spiritual or "Christian" beliefs, or those who may be seeking spiritual guidance. The opinions set down in this book can be very discomforting and offensive. 7 Year Update: I was amazed to discover so many comments on my original post above (which was made 7 years ago). I thought I had better add some thoughts. I'm sorry I did not respond previously, as I did not see this feature until now. For those who may be reading this post and newly widowed, I offer this...You are not alone, many have gone before you and when you are in your darkest hour, know that it will get better. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no better or worse kind of loss. Grief is not linear, it does not come in stages, it moves in and it moves out, like the ocean and the tides. You can experience small moments of joy amidst great depths of pain. Try to ask for help, even when you don't feel like you can speak up for yourself...try, it makes the road less lonely. You have most likely come here to look for a helpful book on grief and you have most likely been attracted to this book because of the title and the high rating. But I'm afraid I must stand by my original review. If you are not already accepting of religious (as in organized conservative Christian, heaven and hell and the devil and original sin) doctrines, if you are not seeking biblical explanations for your sorrow, for death and the meaning of 'it all', you may be hurt, shocked or offended by the contents of this book. After my husband's death I heard a thousand religious platitudes, presumptuous comments, empty assumptions: "He's in a better place". "He would want you to move on". One close friend offered "I prayed for you". While not once paying me a visit in the years following the funeral. Lots of prayers but no casseroles. A casserole may seem like a terrible cliché, but I for one would have welcomed it. Being told that communing with 'god' is your way of helping me...well, that's not a part of my beliefs and it was no help to me at all. Having my husband's death explained with parroted and poorly thought out anecdotes was never helpful either. Here's how you CAN help a grieving widow/widower: Show up. Rather than saying "Let me know if there's anything I can do". Just show up and jump in. Sit with him or her, be present, put on a pot of coffee, pull out the cream and sugar (or cold beer or whatever) and just be there. That is a great gift. Also, helping with chores can ease a lot of stress, a sink full of dishes or other seemingly simple problems may be daunting to the newly bereaved. And listen, just lend an ear. I needed so badly to talk. It's not an easy job...people who are grieving are suffering on all levels including physically. They may be unable to do what you think are very simple things, like open the mail. And they are most likely unable to ask for help because they may not know what it is they need. Everyday things can be confusing, a phone ringing ...'who is it, what do they want, I can't talk to anyone right now'. And above all don't be afraid to talk about their lost loved one. I can tell you, I LOVED talking about my husband. Don't be afraid that the grieving person will start crying or that YOU will start crying...so what if the water works come? Big deal. Don't TELL someone who is grieving what they OUGHT to be feeling. Hear with your heart, not with your logical mind. As for books I DO recommend: Believe it or not, the first one on my list is a little (Christian based) book given to me by one of our hospice people. Mending the Heart by John Claypool. It is gentle, thoughtful and very comforting. Another (Christian based) book which is excellent is A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. I do not know how he was able to so eloquently capture his own grieving experience, while it was happening. Then, a good and very practical book, which can especially help those who are very newly widowed, is I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can. I want to thank everyone who commented, favorably and not so favorably. I wish you well on your path and do not wish the pain of losing a spouse or partner on anyone, though most will someday face it.