Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

So there I was... banished to the upstairs after a bout of the VID. In my solace, my routine now required the use of our guest bath. I didn’t quite appreciate its glory, but upon my release to the general household I realized I had wasted years of my life showering like mere common folk.... well it was time for a change! I promptly conjured the digital bits of my commerce world and within a few minutes I had landed here... exactly where you are now... staring down the barrel of a life altering decision. In that moment the wheels began to turn... “If one pleases the masses, surely two could please the most fickle of critics... my loving wife (pause to insert joke). My mind worked frantically, piecing together the necessary components. One by one, picking them off like a word class buck hunter, the “Add to Cart” button never stood a chance. Upon arrival, I made haste and within a sitcoms crashendo, it was complete. I had removed those pesky restrictors as well so that now, if for the first time.. could feel something. That night I was blessed like the rains of Africa. An outer body experience like no other. Some say they have come so close to death that it has awakened their spirit to live. I believe, that in that moment, I came so close to truly being alive, that my spirit has been forever cleansed.