Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I've wanted a portal gun for ages, and now that I finally have one, I thought everything would be great. At first it was. I would portal to work to avoid the hellish commute. After work I'd portal to the bar, and later home. I could portal the kids to soccer practice. Portal to Jamaica with the wife for a few hours on the weekend. I don't know whether I entered the wrong coordinates, or the portal gun malfunctioned, but last week when I tried to use it to go bowling, instead a bunch of monsters poured out of the portal, ate my family, destroyed my house, and I barely made it out alive. I was hiding in another dimension, but the Galactic Federation police found me and claim the portal gun is illegal, so now I'm on the run again, barely keeping one step ahead of them.