Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

With a just-turned-two-year-old who was just starting into furious tantrums about pretty much every tiny disappointment (coming inside, getting into her car seat, leaving a room, dropping a toy, being asked not to throw things at the dog, etc., etc.), I was very eager to get some new ideas beyond the standard "just ignore it" advice. In addition to the frustration tantrums, she was also going through a spell of pinching, hitting and biting, and nothing (ignoring, separating, time-outs, scolding, yelling, earnest explanations, dirty looks, attempts at redirection) was really helping with that. In fact, most attempts just seemed to escalate the bad behavior. In just a couple of weeks, the advice in this book has really turned around my interactions with my daughter and has enabled me to almost universally nip her tantrums in the bud. As a work-at-home parent, this translates to more happiness, greater productivity, and much, much less stress. I can't speak to how well this will work with older children with better verbal skills (but since the crux of it is paying attention and connecting, it seems like good advice even for dealing with adults), but with a toddler with a pretty good ability to understand but quite a limited vocabulary and ability to express herself verbally, this method has worked wonders. Most of the trick is in the nanosecond before you react--simply asking yourself why. Why is my kid being a jerk? Usually the answer is obvious (in our case, she wants either attention or some object/situation she can't have), but being mindful of the cause shades your response just enough to connect. In the past, if I just tried to put her off for a few minutes to finish my task, her distress would quickly escalate and she would become whiny, clingy and a little insufferable. While it does take more effort to actually engage instead of acting on autopilot, I'm learning that a little upfront investment (like, seriously, a minute or two) of genuine connection at attention when my toddler just starts to go sideways can put out the fire and quickly yield plenty of extended, quiet play. Magic. The practical tips of just taking a second to physically connect, make eye contact, offer a moment of comfort, etc., before explaining and redirecting make the process easier. And the authors' trick of pointing out how much if it would annoy you if someone was treating you in the same way really helps internalize the flaws in the conventional parenting advice. I also like they detailed distinctions between giving love/attention/setting boundaries and spoiling (e.g., shielding child from negative feelings/situations, never requiring accountability, making excuses, or giving the kid too much *stuff*). While, like all self-help books, the same basic ideas are repeated many different ways, and you can start to feel like "okay, okay, I *get* it," I do feel like the repetition and examples did help me internalize the methods, and--just as importantly--helped give me a good enough sense of it to explain the concepts well to my partner (I'm the reader/filterer of the parenting books in our family). The other upshot is that hammering the ideas into your brain really does help stop you when you start to react in your default, autopilot way, so you as a parent can stop your own bad behavior and model how a smart, thoughtful person should act, even if wise choices don't always come naturally ;). Good stuff, and effective.