Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

I bought this product because I'm an American nouveau yuppie and easily swayed by promises of "natural" (<-- Not anti-matter?) and "herbal" (<-- monkshood?). I had never taken a laxative before so this seemed like a good place to start. At first I thought I had been scammed once again by the ubiquitous Hippies justifying their existence at otherwise respectable companies. Ten hours past from me drinking my 15-minute-brewed Smooth Move to no effect whatsoever. I couldn't even get out a fart... and I had eaten about half a head of garlic some 24 hours ago. Anyways, as I was walking to my car in the parking garage in the morning I noticed a particularly attractive but mostly rich male that I wanted to impress by not noticing him at all. I was in the process of nonchalantly checking the weather on my phone (despite being outside) when I was stabbed in the intestines with such intensity I briefly doubled over and dropped both the phone and my french-pressed coffee. After about 15 seconds of exquisite pain that had me fearing I would be featured on "I didn't know I was pregnant" it completely subsided. Nothing. Possibly-rich-guy asked me if I was ok. I said something about being clumsy and quickly got into the car to drive to work. Oh my god. It's fortunate that Houston drivers refuse to let you exit without a good 5 miles of planning because it forced me to stay the course and grit my teeth during that entire 30 minute drive that I can only describe as "contractions". I turned up the radio willing myself to be distracted from the pain but all the lyrics seemed to suggest release in some way. Like the ceiling can't hold us? No no good sir, the bowels can't hold this. This story ends with me commenting that the bathrooms are near the entrance at my office building. I have always been a lucky woman. So four stars for working, and an extra star for that pump fake right at the end there. Respect.