Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

My previous chair wasn't so much a chair as it was a torture device disguised in the shape of furniture, luring unsuspecting victims in the vicinity. I decided it was time to upgrade. I was looking for something extra cushy and comfy because I slouch like its an Olympic sport. Sometimes my butt is on the edge of the seat and my back is sort of jammed halfway down the seat back. Other times I'm in like a fetal position, but listing at a 45 degree angle to the right. I refuse to try to improve my posture. I believe good posture is a conspiracy aimed at oppressing my people (The Intensely Lazy). This is America, and it is my god given right to die as a pretzel. Moving on, this chair was an impeccable choice for me. Lots of cushioning, and it's extra wide so it accommodates my contorting quite well. I loved it instantly, and praised myself for making such an excellent decision. But much like Icarus full of hubris on a hot day, my dream of sitting in a comfy chair forever has been dashed upon the cold hard rocks of reality. This chair is an industrial cat magnet. If I get up for even an instant, there's like two cats jammed right into the seat the moment I turn back around. And they stick there like a horrible Cronenberg monstrosity that has grown into the upholstery. If I try to move them they growl and sass and then glare at me with crazy eyes. I swear sometimes I hear PART OF THE SHIP PART OF THE CREW chanting when I walk past. Occasionally when there are already two cats in the seat my third cat, Steve, will perch up on the back of the chair. It's like a clown car, but instead of clowns it's filled with failures. And I don't think I'm being overly critical with that last point. None of these remoras pay me a dime in rent and I buy all of the groceries. Sometimes Steve throws up on the couch and then tries look all bashful and shocked like it was an accident. I know that wasn't an accident Steve, I see you. I don't know why you think it's appropriate to be licking your undercarriage for 45 straight minutes in MY CHAIR. FOR GODSAKE GET A JOB, YOU LAMPREY. Steve's not even listening you guys. Anyways. It's a great chair.