Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

The Engagement - by Gabriel Botnick Jonas stood there befuddled. He stared at a wall of white, speckled with patches of blue, green, pink, and red. The light emitted from the wall was nearly blinding. The chill penetrated deep into his bones. Anxiety draped his entire body like this blanket of cold which he was beginning to resent. "May I help you find something?" asked a clerk in Dickies, which were hidden underneath his bright red apron. "No thank you. I'm just looking," responded Jonas, hesitant to admit his inability to decide. "Actually, yes...I would love your advice," he continued. "I have found the perfect woman and I've decided to make her my bride. Can you help me?" The clerk proceeded to introduce himself to Jonas. His name was Dean Minor. He was an older man and he sported a thick black mustache like a badge of honor. This mustache stood in stark contrast to his graying hair, which looked quite disheveled today. He extended his right hand to Jonas. His hand looked like it had been relegated to a life of manual labor. The palms were hardened over with calluses and his fingers looked like they were carved from sandstone. Jonas accepted his hand with a subtle smile. He was well-aware that wisdom came with age and hard work. Jonas had spent his nearly-thirty years in the world without a father. This man, he knew, would temporarily fill that role by offering his wisdom and advice. "You've come to the right place," Dean assured. "We have a large selection here at Tuscan. If you can't find it here, you can't find it nowhere." Jonas released some tension with a deep breath. "Samantha...that's her name, Samantha...well, she keeps dropping hints to me. She leaves magazines open on the coffee table. She boasts about her friends' jugs. Hell...they even compare jugs at parties. "My buddies even try to help me out with advice. Steve, my best friend...he tried teaching me the terms. He told me about skim, low-fat, and whole. Pints, half-gallons, gallons. He even knows a guy who went to Costco and bought a double-gallon." "Don't forget pasteurized and fortified," Dean offered with a laugh. He knew the options were daunting and his kind voice would calm Jonas' nerves. Dean reached out to the wall and grabbed a half-gallon of whole milk. "You see, Jonas, size doesn't really matter. It's all about what fits Samantha's style. Some women need to have a full gallon even if it goes to waste. They just need to know that it's all there. Other women are a bit more modest and perfectly happy with a half. I'd steer you away from the pints, though. Sooner or later, you'll just have to go out and get another." Jonas appreciated this advice. Here was an expert who had helped many other men pick out the perfect jug of milk. Jonas knew he would make the right decision. "Now what about skim versus whole? What do you think's best?" "It all depends on how you look at life, Jonas. Some people are a bit more timid and prefer skim. Others are go-getters and won't stop and anything short of the real deal...they prefer whole. "In my opinion," he continued, "I always like to go with a nice low-fat option. Two percent is perfect. It's the right balance in quality." Jonas agreed that this all made sense. Though there was still one question running through his mind. Earlier in the summer, he and Samantha were sitting around watching the news when they were shocked by a commercial for soy milk. Was this true? Is there really a synthetic milk that's just a good as the real thing? Jonas knew he had to ask. "Dean...what can you tell me about this soy milk?" "Oh, it's not just soy these days. There's also almond and rice milk. Sure, the ads claim they taste just like the real thing, but don't be fooled. There's no substitute for good, ol' fashion milk." Dean proceeded to show Jonas all his options. He explained the difference between different dairies and why some milk costs more than others. After a few, brief minutes, Jonas settled on a gallon of Tuscan whole milk. Jonas walked out of the grocery with a smile of satisfaction. He spent the perfect amount on Samantha. Sure, three ninety-nine was a lot to pay for milk. Sure, he could have settled for an off-brand or a smaller size. None of this mattered, though. Samantha deserved the best. Jonas showed up at Samantha's apartment in no unique fashion. Every Thursday, after work, Jonas would come over for the evening. The two lovers would grab a bite to eat and then return home to watch their favorite tv shows. This night was different, though. Samantha didn't know that Jonas left work an hour early. He still managed to buzz her front door at six-fifteen...just as always. She also didn't know that he spent the entire week deciding on the perfect restaurant and meal. He wanted to make sure that wherever they went - whatever they ate - would go perfectly with a glass of milk. Jonas contemplated various cuisines. Would steak go with milk? How about fish? He finally settled on their favorite Indian restaurant, Lotus Blossom. Jonas remembered all the creamy dishes they had enjoyed in the past. He thought the milk would be the perfect drink to cut the spice of the food. He called the restaurant on his lunch break and reserved a quiet table in the back, making sure he could drop off the milk in advance. Samantha walked through the restaurant doors and immediately knew something was awry. Instead of being ignored by the employees - which she learned to accept in favor of the delicious food - she was greeted with a big smile and warm hello. The owner turned to Jonas a said, "Welcome back, Mr. Hood. Will it just be the two of you tonight?" Samantha raised an eyebrow and flashed Jonas a look of unease. Were they being filmed? Had they stepped into an alternate universe? Jonas shrugged and told her not to worry. However, when they were lead past their usual cramped table up front for a large, private, round table in the back, Samantha demanded to know what was going on. "Something really special happened today," was all the explanation Jonas offered. Samantha smiled and kindly accepted the seat being offered to her by her boyfriend. She sat there watching his graceful form take its place opposite her. Jonas looked up from the napkin he was neatly placing across his lap and smiled at the woman he loved. At this moment, Samantha knew why she loved Jonas. It was not because of his athletic build or the way he looked in his business suit. It was not the way his blonde, wavy hair dangled past his brow and playfully teased his lashes behind his frameless glasses. It wasn't even the way he spoke to the people around them - with an ease reminiscent of childhood friends returning home for the holidays. She knew she loved him because of the kindness in his eyes, the way he always looked out for her while respecting her ability, and the knowledge that he'd always be there for her. Anxious to find out the good news, Samantha blurted out, "So tell me already. What are we celebrating? What happened today?" Jonas smiled at this quasi interrogation. He loved her inability to hide what she's thinking. He always knew what was on her mind because she always blurted it out in short sentences. "We're celebrating the fact that I love you." "Is that it? I already knew that. But what happened today?" "What happened today is that I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." With these words, Jonas reached underneath the table and pulled out the gallon of milk from a cooler the owner had set there not even an hour earlier. He continued - "Samantha, will you marry me?" - and offered her the jug of milk. "Oh...I...ah...Jonas, of course I'll marry you!" Samantha was thrilled by the questioned and overjoyed with the milk. She threw her arms around Jonas and proceeded to shower him with kisses. "It's exactly like I've always wanted. How did you know? This is such a surprise. I have to call Mom and tell her. The girls won't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe you got me an ENTIRE gallon of milk. Are you crazy? I love it!" Jonas thought back to his conversation with Dean and knew he made the right decision. The woman of his dreams accepted his proposal and while he knew it was because she loved him, he was comforted by knowing that she also loved her milk.