Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

This stuff is magic. Pale, red-headed, green-eyed, freckled, my grandpa is a FOB Irishman -- are you getting the picture? I don't tan, I burn. Also, I have some scars on my legs that make me feel weird wearing shorts. I've gotten used to going on my daily runs in yoga pants and making maxi dresses my thing. I'm comfortable covering up my legs but it's starting to look like that is going to be harder this summer with trips to the water park, beach and lake in the plans. I am horrible at self-tanner. Each attempt I've made (and there have been several. I've been a bridesmaid at least 30 times and they ALWAYS "helpfully" suggest I get a little color, but I digress) I've ended up looking like an Oompa Loompa AND I'm streaky. Somehow, this embarrassment is worse than just being pale: it's being pale, in denial and poor at hiding it. Even if I'm using "good" stuff, I'm bad at applying it and it looks awful. So tonight, I tried Fake Bake because it's Thursday. Thursday is always the day of the week I guinea pig new beauty things, because if it turns out badly, everyone is always preoccupied with themselves and won't notice anything on Friday and I can work over the weekend to fix it. This requires no fixing, except my plans: I'm going to make some so I can go out on the town for everyone to see my tan. It's easy to put on. Due to my previous failures, I've learned to lotion up knees, elbows, heels and toe bones before I start. Someone suggested clipping an inch of the spray bottle tube, and I did that, as it did seem too long. You spray it on the little mitten and rub it in like you would while putting on lotion. I stood in the bathtub, because I've unwittingly spraypainted my walls with spray tans before (I tell you, I'm hopeless at this stuff) and I hate repainting. I started off planning to only tan my legs, but they turned out so good I went ahead and did the whole enchilada, and it looks fantastic. My arms are a beautiful golden brown and my tummy looks pre-kid (okay, this is a complete exaggeration, but a tanned stomach definitely hides flaws better than a pasty white one!) and my legs look great. It even hides my scars well and I'm streak-free. Seriously, people, I can screw up any beauty treatment (no matter how "hassle-free!", "fail proof!" or "super easy!" those lying heifers over at the beauty columns always say they are) and I managed to end up golden brown.