Bests & Worsts Reviews from Amazon

On my birthday – which is the same as the publication date of this book -- my sister called to tell me that she’d bought me Aziz Ansari’s new book. “Great!,” I thought. Aziz is one funny dude, so it should not be much of a chore to humor my sister’s generosity by reading it. It wasn’t until the next day, when I read Aziz & Eric’s New York Times article on online dating, that I realized that this book was going to hit the sweet spot of my brain like a Tomahawk missile, for reasons that are about to become abundantly obvious. I finished “Modern Romance” the same night I received it, thereby ignoring actual romance with an actual woman. What you have to realize is that “Modern Romance,” although plenty funny at approximately one guffaw per 7 minutes, is not merely a book of humor. It’s co-written with an actual university sociology professor (Eric Klinenberg of NYU, who for some reason doesn’t get credited on the cover, hmm), and contains much legwork and original research. These guys have created focus groups, polled theater audiences, spoken to experts in the field, and most important, delved into thousands of real text message chats from real people. It contains data, my friends – the kind of data that you and I do not have access to, unless you happen to regularly snoop on your buddies' phones. And the data is often revelatory. For example, did you know that a third of marriages today originated online? That 52% of people over 30 call for a first date, vs. 23% for those under 30? That a woman finds a man who’s “uncertainly” attracted to her more attractive than a guy who already digs her? Much crazy stuff like that in there. Why did I find this book so compelling? Well, if the definition of brilliant is “someone who thinks just like me”, then Aziz and Eric must be geniuses. But besides corroborating a lot of the thoughts I’ve had about dating and romance over the past 10 years, here’s what else I really like about this book: -- They put the highlights of the teachings of top experts on dating, love, relationships and happiness all in one spot. So, unlike me, now you don’t have to go read all of the books by Helen Fisher, Esther Perel, Barry Schwartz, Sheena Iyengar, Sherry Turkle, Dan Savage, Stephanie Coontz, Jonathan Haidt, and Christian Rudder, you lucky duck. -- They do a very balanced, lucid treatment of online dating opportunities and pitfalls. Hey look, you now have so much choice! Choice is good! And that overabundance of choice via Match and Tinder and OKCupid and FarmersOnly can also be debilitating and lead to long-term misery and loneliness, for reasons they explain very well. -- They make a lot of sensible recommendations. For example, on a first date, it’s not necessary to feel a thousand butterflies exploding in your stomach as a signal that you two are a good match. Go on more second and third dates. Give stuff a chance to develop and stuff. One of my favorite parts of the book are the stories of what modern dating is like in other parts of the world. Just in case you think you’ve got it bad: --In Qatar, there is no dating. A woman’s only escape ticket from her parent’s home is marriage. But that just means getting stuck with a husband (i.e. a total stranger, ‘cause remember, there’s no dating) who’s even more controlling and possessive than her parents. Modern solution: using smartphones to arrange clandestine hotel parties, where young people can actually meet and flirt with one another. -- Japan is seriously whacked out. As of 2013, 45% of young women and 25% of men “were not interested or despised sexual contact.” The government is so worried about population decline that it actually sponsors massive, roving group dates called “machikon”, just so singles can meet one another. -- I was not aware that Buenos Aires was just one big sex-drenched flirtathon, with hyperaggressive males ceaselessly catcalling women and “telos” (hourly love hotels) on every corner that oversubscribe at peak hours (3-4am). -- In France, apparently it’s perfectly normal for a woman to receive a text asking “Fancy a shag?” from a guy she’s met at a bar, and perfectly normal for her to answer “oui” or “non” depending on her mood. Also, they just kinda assume infidelity happens and get less worked up about it than all other nationalities. Although this is primarily a descriptive book, not a prescriptive one, Aziz and Eric do give some concrete pointers for navigating the landscape of love in the digital world. For example, I like their empirically-derived guidelines for effective texting: issue a firm and specific invitation; make reference to your prior conversation; inject humor. And this is what I found to be their most salient bit of advice: “Treat potential partners like actual people, not bubbles on a screen.” In other words, treat people like people, people! This encapsulates the sane, generous and wise spirit of a book about an aspect of life that has a lot of potential to turn irrational, mean and short-sighted -- especially with all the gadgets at our disposal. As such, all of you single folks would do well set aside your smartphone for a sec to get some tips, much wisdom and many guffaws from “Modern Romance.” -- Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil., author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible, the #1-rated dating book on Amazon for 4+ years